still

I still miss Buster.

It's been eight months since we lost him, and I still miss him so much.

I don't miss the enormous effort it took to keep him alive and healthy, and away from other dogs. I'm enjoying having one easy-going, low-maintenance dog. There's no doubt that our lives are much easier now. Doesn't matter. And I have no regrets; I know we did the right thing. Doesn't matter. I still miss him.

I don't even particularly want another dog (yet). As Cody ages, it won't be fair to introduce another dog into the pack. So we may have a small window in which to make that decision, and I think we're letting it shut. I can't imagine how empty it's going to feel when Cody's gone. But still, I think we're enjoying the easy life too much to make any changes.

So it isn't that I miss having two dogs. I just miss Buster.

I miss his fierce love, his intensity, his constancy. Cody loves us in her sweet, quiet, low-key way. Buster loved us like the whole universe was at stake.