happy birthday to me: retirement update edition

I have been alive on this planet for 64 years. Didn't I just write my last "happy birthday to me" post, like, a week ago??

I looked back at my last few HBTM posts, and I do have a few updates. 

Last year, in "happy birthday to me: retirement vs travel edition," I thought retirement was 10 to 12 years away. Plans have gelled since then, and I am planning to retire at age 70. I downloaded a countdown clock, now on my desktop. Today it clicked over from six years plus something to five-plus! 

I still love my job. In fact, I like it more than ever, now that I have set better limits on how much time I spend working, and feel so much a part of the community. I'm not counting down because I hate what I'm doing. 

The purpose of the countdown is to help me stay on track with our financial goals. This doesn't come naturally to me, it's something I need to be conscious of all the time. Seeing those very finite numbers helps.

Also last year, I was feeling like these important goals meant travel was no longer possible for us. I've had a mental shift about that, too. We had a great trip this year, and -- possibly for the first time ever? -- paid for the entire trip in advance. We paid for airfare and car rental with points, something we've never done before, and saved thousands of dollars on dog care by using TrustedHousitters. (More on that in a future post.) The rest I was able to save for, thanks to the privilege of our two decent incomes. And I was able to do this while sticking with The Plan. 

Upshot: we will still be able to travel, maybe taking (what I consider) a good trip every few years. For me, this feels monumental. A weight lifted. 

(Right now, instead of a trip, we're saving for a good digital sound system, something Allan is more excited about than any travel I could plan.)

For the rest, I'll do that thing where a writer quotes themself. In 2021, when I turned 60, I wrote:

There are tough things about aging, for sure. Unpleasant things. There's no denying it. But there were tough things at every stage of life. Being a child is not the proverbial picnic, nor being a teenager, nor a young adult. There are always issues, always heartache, and sometimes much worse. If we're lucky, there is also love and joy, wonder and excitement, adventure and meaning. 

Aging is a privilege. I feel incredibly lucky and grateful to have it.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Thank you for being part of my life.

happy birthday to me: retirement vs travel edition

Today I have been alive on this planet for 63 years. 

Last year I shared thoughts on aging and mortality. It was a popular post that resonated with many readers. Predictably -- and in keeping with that theme -- the next birthday came around in lightning speed.

When we're kids, it seems ages between birthdays, or summers, or first days of school. Now the years whip by. We find ourselves incredulous at how much time has passed -- how old kids and dogs are, how long we've known each other, how long we've lived in a house, or have worked in our jobs. Everyone I know experiences this. Time is just moving too quickly.

And apparently I am now a senior! Or an "older adult". In an email exchange, an activist called me an elder. I'm not ready for that!

I am spending a lot of time doing retirement planning. The big news, for us, is that there actually will be a retirement (inshallah). I never thought we'd be able to stop working: I always referred to our "retirement savings" with air quotes. But now it looks like we'll be able to make it work. A quiet, small retirement, for sure, and it's 10 or 12 years away, but still. It feels like a huge accomplishment for people who didn't go the traditional career route until later in life. 

Because retirement will be small and quiet -- and short of winning the lottery, will not include travel -- there are a few trips I still want to make while we're working. That's the central tension: I want to make sure retirement happens and I still want to travel. 

When we moved to Vancouver Island, I said we wouldn't travel except to see friends and family for five years, and we'd see how that went. That worked out beautifully, taking us to Southern Oregon, the Bay Area, California's Lost Coast, Portland, and Seattle. This was supplemented by occasionally visits to my remote library branches, trips "down island" or to the lower mainland for work or union (although, sadly, not happening as frequently post-covid), and a bit of island exploring. Now those five years are up, and I'm restless to plan again. 

My need to travel is like a hunger. If we go on a big, special trip, that will satisfy me for a long time. It's like a huge, filling meal, and I'm good for a year or more. When we go on short trips -- it doesn't even matter where, just that I go -- it satisfies that same need, but for a shorter amount of time. And although I'm grateful for the travel we've done, it has never been close to how much I've wanted.  

If we stay healthy and things pan out, I'll be able to deal with a retirement without travel. But until then, I can't give it up. Not sure how this will work, but I'm going to try.

happy birthday to me: aging and mortality edition

I have been alive on this planet for 62 years. Somehow, inexplicably, it was June 13, 2023, and I passed birthday number 62. I find this fact stunning. 

I feel incredibly fortunate to be living the life I am. I've worked hard, taken risks, made choices, and had big assists of luck and privilege. I look around and just feel so incredibly grateful. 

I'll admit it's not all great -- but only briefly

I'm not loving the physical changes that come with aging. My health issues began at age 12, and I've lived with more than one chronic condition throughout my adult life. Aging is adding yet more actions to the already-long list of things I must do to keep ticking. It is sometimes frustrating. I sometimes feel like, Oh nooo, not another thing?? This is too much! 

Then after a period of adjustment, I find my footing. Because really, what choice do I have, what choice do any of us have? We can either take care of the condition and maintain our health, or not take care of it, and it will get worse, and we'll suffer physically and mentally. Obsessing and complaining doesn't make it any better. In fact, I think obsessing makes it worse: it would take up more space in my thoughts and my life. So I take a deep breath and suck it up. 

Beyond the physical, being in my 60s just feels so different. My ideas about the future are so different than they were 20 or even 10 years ago. The view ahead now looks bluntly finite. Of course, it always was, but my awareness of that finiteness is in sharper focus. I think of this often now, much more than I ever did before.

Talking about this is generally taboo. It's usually dismissed -- especially by anyone older than me -- with a laugh and a wave: "You're too young to think about that!" But the fact is, I do think about it, and I'm sure many people do, whether they admit it or not. Talking about death doesn't hasten its arrival. (Sorry, superstitious people. Our words don't really affect the universe.) Death is a reality. Perhaps talking about it might help us prepare psychologically, at least on a background level.

Thinking about death seems natural to me. When we're children we wonder about being teenagers, and when we're teens we wonder about being adults. To me, recognizing where I am -- or where I hope I am -- in the arc of my life is not morbid or premature. It just is. 

One and done

In my worldview, this life is the only life we will ever have. I don't believe in any form of immortality, don't believe there are magic words I can say or rituals I can perform to achieve life after life. Aging has given me a greater understanding of why humans invented the beautiful fiction of everlasting life, but I can't generate even a flicker of belief in it. In my view, when we die, our physical bodies go the way of all animal bodies, and indeed of all living things. As Jerry Seinfeld said about the soup, This is the meal, buddy boy. So stock up.

Now, in my 60s, I feel myself coming to terms with the finiteness of my own life. I won't travel to all the places I'd like to see, I won't read all the books I'd like to read. (Not even close!) The future versus present equation -- trying to ensure a somewhat comfortable old age while still living a full life today -- looks very different than it did 20 or even 10 years ago.

I'm not saying this with anxiety or depression or fear. Just stating facts as I see them.

When we're being honest about death, the thing many of us fear most is not that we will die, but how we'll die. There are all kinds of deaths, and some sure as hell appear better than others. I'm so very grateful for activists who have fought for end-of-life autonomy and dignity, such as legal medical assistance in dying. I follow that story in Canada and hope the laws become more expansive. (An excellent documentary on this: How to Die in Oregon.) 

I feel as strongly about end-of-life choices as I do about reproductive choices. Bodily integrity is paramount. And we don't have that in our world, not even close.

So here I am, 62 years old, and contemplating the road ahead. I know all the applicable cliches, as do you. Savor every moment, be grateful for what we have, blah blah blah. I do and I am, more than most people you will ever meet. These are the platitudes I subscribe to. Keep on keepin' on.

happy birthday to me: in which i arrive at a milestone

I have been alive on this planet for 60 years. 

I don't know how that happened. It doesn't seem even remotely possible. Yet here it is. I am 60.

I keep hearing that getting older sucks. I've been hearing about it for 30 years, but have yet to see it for myself. 

There are tough things about aging, for sure. Unpleasant things. There's no denying it. But there were tough things at every stage of life. Being a child is not the proverbial picnic, nor being a teenager, nor a young adult. There are always issues, always heartache, and sometimes much worse. If we're lucky, there is also love and joy, wonder and excitement, adventure and meaning. 

Aging is a privilege. I feel incredibly lucky and grateful to have it. 

Thank you for being part of my life.

happy birthday to me

We interrupt this retroactive travel diary to wish me a happy birthday.

I have been alive on this planet for 57 years. I am now, as they say, "pushing 60". Not sure how that happened, but I'm feeling pretty lucky to be here, alive and kicking.

My life is full of love, meaning, and challenge. I'm not struggling financially and am up for new adventures. In my book, this means I have it all.

happy birthday to me

Apparently I have been alive on this planet for 55 years. That seems completely impossible. Yet there it is.

As always on my birthday, I feel incredibly fortunate to be alive and living such a good life. Thanks for still reading my (now occasional) blather.

wmtc: happy birthday to me

I have been alive and kicking on this planet for 53 years today. I'm pretty damn happy about it.

I'm celebrating my birthday by taking the day from work, reviewing my talk for this weekend's Marxism conference, getting caught up on some personal business, having a play date with Allan (also ditching work) and the pups, then tonight, having dinner at Kaji, my go-to place for birthday celebrations in recent years.

Then I can celebrate all weekend by engaging in discussion, education, and solidarity: Resisting a System in Crisis: Marxism 2014. This year I'm stewarding a room, and I was invited to participate on a panel for the first time: "Rebuilding our unions: a rank and file strategy". I'm very honoured to be speaking with two big-time labour activists!

my life at the children's library so far (plus happy birthday to me)

What a difference it makes when you enjoy going to work. What a difference when you don't dread your job. Wow!

This is what I've done in my new position so far.

- I participated in the finale of Grade 4 Read To Succeed, in which the winning classes - the classes that read the most books in each branch library's catchment area - attended an event at Mississauga City Hall. There were songs, games, prizes, and readings by two children's authors. It was a bit weird for me, as I hadn't been involved in the program, but great fun and very instructive.

- I did my first programming!! I assisted a more experienced librarian in a kindergarten class visit - two classes, 45 kids. I read Grumpy Bird by Jeremy Tankard. Seemed like it went over well. A little girl ran up to me and hugged me!

- I attended a workshop on reference and a webinar on storytelling.

- I am compiling a number of readers' advisory lists, as part of a departmental goal, based on a suggestion of mine last summer. We will have laminated book lists at the shelf ends, with staff picks in different categories: humour, adventure, animals, scary, and so on. I'm doing all the nonfiction. So far I am working on these lists: Amazing Animals, "When I grow up, I want to be...", I Love Science!, "Weird and Wacky, Spooky and Scary, and just plain GROSS," Biographies, Stuff To Do (crafts, game, magic, gardening, cooking, bird watching, etc. etc.), and Life Long Ago (ancient civilizations).

- I am learning how to order books for the department. I'm doing nonfiction, not from scratch, but filling in gaps and reordering popular titles.

- I am preparing for a school visit to promote Summer Reading Club. I'll be doing this with another librarian, one program for Grades 3 through 5, then for K through 2. This will be a skit, a mini scavenger hunt, games, prizes, stories, and of course, information about Summer Reading Club.

- I have been on the reference desk only a little so far, but will be getting my regular shift on the desk soon. I love it, but it's a bit scary!

- I attended a workshop on the libraries' databases, to encourage and remind reference staff to offer these great resources to our customers, and teach customers how to use them.

Today is my birthday. I have been alive on this planet for 52 years. I'm grateful for all I've been given, and proud of what I've created with it. Some days I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

happy (belated) birthday to me

A friend noted a certain absence on wmtc and wondered if perhaps I'm not thrilled about turning 51. I do usually announce my birthday here! I didn't this year because (a) it seemed inappropriate to put up a celebratory post on the very day the Harper Government codified its Ruin Canada agenda, and (b) so many people were wishing me HBD on Facebook that it felt gluttonous to announce it here, too.

However, I did celebrate, relax, and thoroughly enjoy my day. As always, I'm glad to be alive on this planet for another year. I'm happy to be here. Keith fans can fill in the rest.

happy birthday from xena and gabrielle!

Birthdays are a time for indulgence.

My partner and best friend knows I feel this way, and he indulges me.

Today I spent the whole day - a day I am normally at work - sitting on my patio, reading Little Dorrit and playing with my dogs. Well, watching Cody sleep and playing with Tala.

Now I have just poured myself a glass of wine and am sitting down to watch Episode 1, Season One, of "Xena Warrior Princess". Next to Dallas, this is my favourite junk food for the brain. Really, I like it better than Dallas, because I have a thing for Gabrielle. Plus I love the hodge-podge mythology and I get to see New Zealand.

I don't usually do the "look what I got for my birthday" thing, but I am so excited about owning the entire Xena series that I had to post about it!

There was also Rocky & Bullwinkle, a book by a war resister, and big stack of music. I rarely buy myself anything, then Allan makes up for it all at once.

Now back to Xena!

happy birthday to me

I have been alive on this planet 49 years today.

Yes, the clock is ticking to 50, and you know what? I don't care! I am here, alive and kicking.

My oldest nephew, born on my birthday, turns 29 today, and in a few weeks my mother turns 79. So next year is a biggie for several in my family! My mom, who also has a great attitude about aging, was saying, "I can't believe I'm going to be 80. How did that happen?" I feel the same way. It's completely mind-boggling, how fast the time goes.

As Dharma Seeker said on Facebook, I have so much to celebrate since my last birthday. Cody is still with us, and cancer free. We are Canadian citizens. I've begun steps towards a new career. Plus the usual wonders: the love and friendship in my life, reasonably good health, a happy life. I have the usual complaints, but today is not a day for complaints.

Today is not a day for anything! I'm taking the day off, staying at home with my pups, Charles Dickens, and a big pile of presents from my own true love.

Tomorrow: wolf puppies! More soon on that.

happy birthday to me

I have been alive and kicking 48 years today. And I'm happy about it!

When Allan wakes up, I get spoiled with presents, then tonight is wmtc4.

Last night, I checked the weather report one last time, and was so disappointed. No rain Friday, no rain Sunday, Monday or Tuesday. But rain on Saturday, wtmc day! How can this be? It never rains on my birthday! Please be wrong.

* * * *

Update! I wrote this post last night, but this morning there's no rain in the forecast! Yay!!

The forecast is almost as important as the actual weather. If it rains, we'll deal with it, but if it says rain is coming, I'll be anxious about it all day.

happy birthday to me

I have been alive on this planet 47 years today. The number is shocking to me, but I'm damn glad to be here. (I feel like quoting Keith, happy to be anywhere.)

Because of work schedules, we celebrated yesterday. And because of wmtc3 and our upcoming Newfoundland trip, I hadn't thought about planning anything. So we went with what's become our favourite Toronto place to celebrate, Jamie Kennedy Wine Bar.

If you like small plates or tapas-style eating, and you like a stylish wine bar atmosphere and excellent service, this place is tops. They also use almost all local ingredients and work with Canadian food artisans, with superb results. This restaurant is also home to one of Toronto's great food finds: the Yukon Gold frites, a generous cone of the best French fries you will ever eat for a mere five bucks. (I noticed I blogged about Jamie Kennedy Wine Bar on two other birthdays, both mine and Allan's!)

After enjoying several small plates of deliciousness with several small glasses of wine, we drove out to Scarborough and took a walk on the Lake in Bluffer's Park. We hadn't been there yet, and it's a beautiful park. Is there a way to walk on the cliffs, above the park? We didn't see any access.

On the road where The Beaches turns into Scarborough are a lot of sad-looking businesses and many empty storefronts. I wondered if some big development is in the works; so many unrented stores often points to that. Also, who stays at all those cheap motels? The old motel strip in Etobicoke, not far from where we used to live in Port Credit, is all closed now. But the ones in Scarborough are all open for business. There are at least a dozen of them.

Today I'm spending a quiet day at home, reading and blogging. Allan's still sleeping, so I haven't seen any presents yet, but I know they're in the works.

happy birthday to me

Hey, this is weird. I just realized I'm now closer to 50 than 40. Even though that's technically been true since last June 13, I just noticed it today.

I've been alive on this earth 46 years. It's good.

celebration

Thanks for all your birthday wishes, my friends. Here's how I spent the day.

I had to get some work done in the morning, unfortunately, but it went well. Allan showered me with gifts and cards, as usual. The man is a great Birthday Guy. He says my Big Present is late, so yesterday's book, CDs and DVDs were "fill in" gifts. Cool!

We had tickets to The Real Thing, part of our Soulpepper subscription, but I decided to exchange them for another performance. I'm feeling too busy to relax and enjoy a play. Besides, working three nights a week, we already miss too much baseball. We decided to see the play when it doesn't conflict with the Red Sox. (James, what's that you said about fandom as a career...?)

So from the Soulpepper box office in the Distillery District, we walked over to the Jamie Kennedy Wine Bar. Many thanks to Genet for this excellent recommendation (seconded by Gazetteer). It was fabulous, and such an Allan and Laura kind of place. We sat at the bar, sampled many wines, ate small plates of yummy things (including perfect frites, no small find) and were generally very happy.

After Jamie Kennedy's, we got some amazing gelato at Solferino, among the best I've ever tasted, and ate it while walking up to Sam The Record Man. My birthday gift to myself was a CD-buying splurge. I haven't bought any music in well over a year, and I walked out with a nice bundle. I like that store so much better than the usual big-box chains.

On the way home, I called J, my oldest nephew, with whom I share a birthday. He lives in California now, and I hardly ever see him, but we always speak on our mutual day. (Another friend with whom I shared a birthday is gone now, dying tragically before he turned 50. Rhonda, my very dear friend who was his partner of 25 years, called me from England yesterday. I just wanted to mention Stephen here.)

We were home in time to catch the Red Sox - and what a game it was, we were so glad we didn't miss it. Unfortunately, what started out as a scintillating pitcher's duel ended as a devastating loss in the 12th inning. That's baseball for ya.

As I write this, it occurs to me I had a very Toronto birthday. It was, in fact, very similar to how I might have celebrated my birthday in New York. My life is very different now, living in a house in the suburbs, but when I want to renew my urban spirit, it's just moments away. Very cool.

it comes again

I'll just repeat what I wrote last year.

This year I just feel all those things more deeply.

And the fifth holiday (also mentioned here) will be celebrated on August 30.

happy birthday to me

Today is one of the four major holidays of the Laura & Allan household.* I have been alive on this earth 44 years today.

You'll forgive me for announcing my birthday like a little kid when I don't know any of yours. I love my birthday, I love getting older (ok, not everything about it, but in general), and I'm really put off by all the whining about aging.

I am happy to be alive. Life is short, and ridiculously fragile, and each one of us who draws breath can find things to appreciate in our lives. It may sound greeting-card corny, but I feel this most profoundly. I feel rich with the things that are most important in life, and I am very grateful.

All my life people have been telling me, "You'll see, when you're older..." When I'm older I'll want children, when I'm older I'll dread birthdays, when I'm older I'll wish I had gone to law school, blah blah blah. You know what? I am older! And it turns out you had no imagination!

I won't be around for comments today - we'll be celebrating at our favorite restaurant. (We've determined to go back there on every visit to NYC, so I don't have to get all mopey over The Last Time.) Mr Redsock is still sleeping, but the dogs very thoughtfully had placed a gift near the coffeepot this morning; I guess they wrapped it over night. They got me the new Aimee Mann CD (I love her) and the obligatory dog-themed card. Seems they've heard of this thing called Canadian bacon... Yes, we are silly like that.



*Both our birthdays, the anniversary of the day we met, and the anniversary of the day we moved in together. (I think we should add a fifth: the day we leave NYC for Canada!)