is my facebook timeout becoming permanent? thoughts on (maybe) leaving social media behind

I've been off social media for a few months now, and I'm unsure about whether or not I'll return. 

Mostly, it feels good. Another step towards the minimal. More focused. A bit liberating.

There's only one downside: long-distance friends. People who I'm unlikely to keep in touch with individually, but who I enjoy seeing in my feed, people who I try to support and who support me.

I'm reluctant to lose these connections. I'm also reluctant to re-start the inevitable slide into increasing time spent on social media. 

I'm starting to consider that there may be no way to balance these. That any balance I find will be fleeting. That social media is a mostly negative force in my life, and I should stop engaging with it.

* * * *

I stopped almost all my social media use some years back, limiting myself only to Facebook, and using that only minimally. But my time on Facebook gradually began creeping upwards, because that what it does. It's a highly addictive drug, and even light or moderate use can be self-defeating.

Shortly after the US election, my forays onto Facebook became really unpleasant. Friends were (very rightly) using that space to vent, express shock and frustration, and share information about the troubling and bizarre goings-on in the US. 

But I was coming to Facebook for an escape, or at least some respite, and the barrage of US/Trump news in my feed was anything but relaxing. I had already unfollowed or unfriended a lot of people from my old activist network in Toronto, who I felt were dangerously wrongheaded about the US election. I didn't want to shrink my feed any further. So I did that thing, I took a break. 

At first I experienced what most people on social media breaks attest to: I found myself reaching for my phone to post something, and had to consciously stop myself. 

I would ask myself, why do I want to share this? Is it something I need to talk about, or am I merely the habit of sharing these little bits of life? What I'm reading, what I'm watching, what I'm cooking. And so on. Small, superficial moments. Like any impulse that we're trying to get under control, I had to ride it out. Feel the feeling, stay still, don't act. Let it sit there, move on.

Past attempts

My current Facebook break caused me to re-visit my 2021 post about Cal Newport's book Digital Minimalism. Newport draws a distinction between using technology to enhance our lives or to further meaningful goals, and being addicted to our smartphones and social media. Being intentional about how we use any technology. It's the difference between having one glass of wine with a nice dinner, and daily drinking, glass after glass, out of habit. 

In that earlier post, I wrote:

We all have reasons that we use social media. Newport argues that although our reasons may be valid, and we do derive some value from social media use, the quality of our social media interactions is very low and adds little to our lives. When you drastically cut down your social media use, once you get accustomed to new habits, you may notice that you don't miss it. Whether you spend 20 minutes on Facebook or Instagram, or 40 minutes, or 60 minutes, you come away with the same low value. And for many people, those shallow, low-value interactions have gradually come to replace more meaningful interactions.

I revisited my own plan to reduce my social media use, also from that 2021 post. 

- I discovered  that some pieces of that plan are well integrated into my life. I have regularly schedule videochat dates with some long-distance friends. People really appreciated my initiating those, and they've become great habits. 

- I'm leaving my phone aside when watching movies or series. This can be challenging, as I get antsy if my hands have nothing to do. A notepad and a pen is a great antidote to that, or I have my phone, but only to play word games.

- The weekly screen-free night has fallen by the wayside. Allan and I have three evenings together, and we enjoy watching movies or series. I've been looking for ways to balance this. Sometimes the only screen-free time we spend together is at a restaurant, a road trip, or a dog walk. I'd like to return to a weekly music night.

- I'm no longer tracking my analog pursuits. One, I was tracking too many things and it became onerous. And two, I don't have time and energy for many or most of them. Several of them are waiting for retirement, which is still another six years away (at age 70). So I've put that aside.

- Most importantly, and inevitably, when it comes to the first point on the plan -- "only using social media at designated times and for a designated duration" -- I fell off the wagon. I reinstalled the Facebook app on my phone, and returned it to my home screen. Gradually my use crept upwards. 

Revisiting that 2021 post, I realized that I had tried the same thing a few years earlier. (This is why habit tracking is so useful!) In my review of Digital Minimalism, I quoted an earlier review of Tim Wu's excellent The Attention Merchants. From 2021, quoting myself in 20217:

I notice that I ended my review of The Attention Merchants with this:

By the time I finished the book, I challenged myself to take a holiday from social media and reclaim my own attention span. Some of you know that because of my health issues, I struggle with low concentration. Perhaps the effects are exaggerated for me... or perhaps not. I want to spend less time with little bits of information scrolling in front of my eyes. When it comes to information, I want quality over quantity. I'm experimenting with it now, but I'm not sure I'll ever go back.

Some of the changes I made did turn out be permanent (I said goodbye to Twitter), others did not (I re-installed the Facebook app on my phone). Now I'm assessing my current habits with Newport's advice in mind, and thinking about whether I want to go a few steps further.

Perhaps I will continue leaving then returning to social media. Or perhaps I will be one of those people who eschew social media use altogether. I know a few of those, and they live full lives without it.