back to school

My classes resume today, my third year of four, fifth term of eight. I've been dreading this for weeks, but for the past few days, the dread has been overwhelming. I'm halfway done with the program, but for some reason, the start of this school year feels particularly awful.

Making me feel even worse, the only course on the schedule that I needed this year is only being offered on Wednesday night - when I'm usually at war resisters meetings. So I have to take off from the Campaign until December. I can do some work for the Campaign by email, but the only way to stay updated and connected is to attend meetings. Also, meetings are a large part of my social life - and during school, meetings are my social life. So it's a real drag to miss three and a half months of something I love for a required course I don't even want to take. Whine, whine, whine.

Thirteen weeks to go... starting now.


M@ said...

Good luck with the classes -- here's hoping they're better than you expect.

Amy said...

I certainly can relate (though I, of course, have more than two years left). Of course, being the teacher is different: no stress over papers, exams, grades, just stress over class preparation, grading papers and exams, and general higher ed BS. But I still get the blues when every semester is about to start. Fortunately, I also still get excited once I am in the classroom and I quickly adjust to the routine and the stress. Hope you have some of those positives also!

johngoldfine said...

I know I've written you before about teacher anxiety and stress mirroring students', and Amy probably has too.

Here's my dream of last night that my personal, 24/7 on-call, and licensed therapist interpreted for me over breakfast:

I asked my dean for a letter of reference which he gave to me on canary yellow paper, printed with dot-matrix technology, and missing several lines of text. I tore the letter while fitting it into an envelope. The dean promised half-heartedly to make a new copy, and I left my wallet on his desk as a reminder of that promise. Later I couldn't remember where my wallet had gotten to.

"Well, Dr. Freud?"

"You're worried about losing your job and you're worried about losing your money."

You know, I'd sort of hoped it had more to do with harsh toilet training and inadequate breast-feeding, but, alas, no such luck.

laura k said...

Thanks, Amy and John.

I guess the big difference for me is you (both) are in your chosen profession, for better or worse. I'm in a transition. I never would have gone back to school if I could have found a different path.

I often do enjoy what I'm learning. That definitely helps. But if I could snap my fingers and be done with it, I'd have done that yesterday. Or two years ago!

And thanks M@. I hope we can see you guys soon.