the circumlocution office, or how not to do it (or, some things do not change)

In these months between my winter and fall terms, I want nothing more than hours and hours of uninterrupted time to read whatever I want. But of course time is limited, and my concentration is very poor, and I'm out of the habit of reading for myself, as opposed to for school. (That last is shocking to me, a lifelong, voracious reader.) So I haven't been reading nearly enough, but I am determined to keep trying.

Last year, coming home from work late on Sunday nights and casting around for something to half-watch on TV - television being my sleep-inducing substance of choice - I came upon a Masterpiece adaptation of Charles Dickens' Little Dorrit. (This is the PBS series known to older folks as Masterpiece Theatre.) I watched only a few brief bits and was instantly hooked. When it comes to Dickens, it doesn't take much for me, and his work lends itself so perfectly mini-serieses. It was adapted by Andrew Davies, who also did Bleak House, my favourite Dickens novel and one of my favourite Masterpiece shows.

I had never read Little Dorrit, so I picked up a copy and waited for school to end to read it. I am loving it! I'm getting the same feeling I did as a young reader, when opening a book was opening a door to another world. Something magical.

Dickens is among my greatest literary loves, in the top three along with Steinbeck and Orwell. Although there's an obvious connection between those three, I didn't choose them in some intellectual or political way. Their writing chose me.

Little Dorrit, like all of Dickens' novels, was first published in serial form, in weekly installments. Because of that, many brief chapters have a stand-alone quality that work well as excerpts. Here's one I really enjoyed, and perhaps you will, too.

I've added many more paragraph breaks than the original contained. I don't think Dickens would mind. His original audience didn't read online.

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Excerpted from Little Dorrit, by Charles Dickens. Originally published 1856-57.

Chapter 10, "Containing the whole Science of Government"

The Circumlocution Office was (as everybody knows without being told) the most important Department under Government. No public business of any kind could possibly be done at any time without the acquiescence of the Circumlocution Office. Its finger was in the largest public pie, and in the smallest public tart. It was equally impossible to do the plainest right and to undo the
plainest wrong without the express authority of the Circumlocution Office. If another Gunpowder Plot had been discovered half an hour before the lighting of the match, nobody would have been justified in saving the parliament until there had been half a score of boards, half a bushel of minutes, several sacks of official memoranda, and a family-vault full of ungrammatical correspondence, on the part of the Circumlocution Office.

This glorious establishment had been early in the field, when the one sublime principle involving the difficult art of governing a country, was first distinctly revealed to statesmen. It had been foremost to study that bright revelation and to carry its shining influence through the whole of the official proceedings. Whatever was required to be done, the Circumlocution Office was beforehand with all the public departments in the art of perceiving--HOW NOT TO DO IT.

Through this delicate perception, through the tact with which it invariably seized it, and through the genius with which it always acted on it, the Circumlocution Office had risen to overtop all the public departments; and the public condition had risen to be--what it was.

It is true that How not to do it was the great study and object of all public departments and professional politicians all round the Circumlocution Office. It is true that every new premier and every new government, coming in because they had upheld a certain thing as necessary to be done, were no sooner come in than they applied their utmost faculties to discovering How not to do it.

It is true that from the moment when a general election was over, every returned man who had been raving on hustings because it hadn't been done, and who had been asking the friends of the honourable gentleman in the opposite interest on pain of impeachment to tell him why it hadn't been done, and who had been asserting that it must be done, and who had been pledging himself that it should be done, began to devise, How it was not to be done.

It is true that the debates of both Houses of Parliament the whole session through, uniformly tended to the protracted deliberation, How not to do it.

It is true that the royal speech at the opening of such session virtually said, My lords and gentlemen, you have a considerable stroke of work to do, and you will please to retire to your respective chambers, and discuss, How not to do it.

It is true that the royal speech, at the close of such session, virtually said, My lords and gentlemen, you have through several laborious months been considering with great loyalty and patriotism, How not to do it, and you have found out; and with the blessing of Providence upon the harvest (natural, not political), I now dismiss you. All this is true, but the Circumlocution Office went beyond it.

Because the Circumlocution Office went on mechanically, every day, keeping this wonderful, all-sufficient wheel of statesmanship, How not to do it, in motion. Because the Circumlocution Office was down upon any ill-advised public servant who was going to do it, or who appeared to be by any surprising accident in remote danger of doing it, with a minute, and a memorandum, and a letter of instructions that extinguished him.

It was this spirit of national efficiency in the Circumlocution Office that had gradually led to its having something to do with everything. Mechanicians, natural philosophers, soldiers, sailors, petitioners, memorialists, people with grievances, people who wanted to prevent grievances, people who wanted to redress grievances, jobbing people, jobbed people, people who couldn't get rewarded for merit, and people who couldn't get punished for demerit, were all indiscriminately tucked up under the foolscap paper of the Circumlocution Office.

Numbers of people were lost in the Circumlocution Office. Unfortunates with wrongs, or with projects for the general welfare (and they had better have had wrongs at first, than have taken that bitter English recipe for certainly getting them), who in slow lapse of time and agony had passed safely through other public departments; who, according to rule, had been bullied in this, over-reached by that, and evaded by the other; got referred at last to the Circumlocution Office, and never reappeared in the light of day. Boards sat upon them, secretaries minuted upon them, commissioners gabbled about them, clerks registered, entered, checked, and ticked them off, and they melted away. In short, all the business of the country went through the Circumlocution Office, except the business that never came out of it; and its name was Legion.

Sometimes, angry spirits attacked the Circumlocution Office. Sometimes, parliamentary questions were asked about it, and even parliamentary motions made or threatened about it by demagogues so low and ignorant as to hold that the real recipe of government was, How to do it.

Then would the noble lord, or right honourable gentleman, in whose department it was to defend the Circumlocution Office, put an orange in his pocket, and make a regular field-day of the occasion. Then would he come down to that house with a slap upon the table, and meet the honourable gentleman foot to foot. Then would he be there to tell that honourable gentleman that the Circumlocution Office not only was blameless in this matter, but was commendable in this matter, was extollable to the skies in this matter.

Then would he be there to tell that honourable gentleman that, although the Circumlocution Office was invariably right and wholly right, it never was so right as in this matter. Then would he be there to tell that honourable gentleman that it would have been more to his honour, more to his credit, more to his good taste, more to his good sense, more to half the dictionary of commonplaces, if he had left the Circumlocution Office alone, and never approached this matter.

Then would he keep one eye upon a coach or crammer from the Circumlocution Office sitting below the bar, and smash the honourable gentleman with the Circumlocution Office account of this matter. And although one of two things always happened; namely, either that the Circumlocution Office had nothing to say and said it, or that it had something to say of which the noble lord, or right honourable gentleman, blundered one half and forgot the other; the Circumlocution Office was always voted immaculate by an accommodating majority.

Such a nursery of statesmen had the Department become in virtue of a long career of this nature, that several solemn lords had attained the reputation of being quite unearthly prodigies of business, solely from having practised, How not to do it, as the head of the Circumlocution Office. As to the minor priests and acolytes of that temple, the result of all this was that they stood divided into two classes, and, down to the junior messenger, either believed in the Circumlocution Office as a heaven-born institution that had an absolute right to do whatever it liked; or took refuge in total infidelity, and considered it a flagrant nuisance.

The Barnacle family had for some time helped to administer the Circumlocution Office. The Tite Barnacle Branch, indeed, considered themselves in a general way as having vested rights in that direction, and took it ill if any other family had much to say to it. The Barnacles were a very high family, and a very large family. They were dispersed all over the public offices, and held all sorts of public places. Either the nation was under a load of obligation to the Barnacles, or the Barnacles were under a load of obligation to the nation. It was not quite unanimously settled which; the Barnacles having their opinion, the nation theirs. . . .


Sarah O. said...

I loved Little Dorrit too (the novel and the miniseries), and the Circumlocution Office bits were quite memorable. I'm currently reading Nicholas Nickleby for the first time and am finding it just as sharp and sarcastic as I could hope for. Nicholas is Dickens' typical Sensitive Young Man character, but he has this righteous temper in the face of injustice that I am really loving. I'm also finding that Kate Nickleby is (so far) a bit more rounded out than most of Dickens' young female characters.

I haven't read Bleak House yet; I take it should be near the top of my summer reading list?

L-girl said...

I love Nicholas Nickleby! I was lucky enough to see the epic stage adaptation on Broadway, which was also made into an excellent Masterpiece Theatre. Absolutely terrific.

Personally I couldn't read Bleak House and Nickleby in the same summer. I would need a break from the dense prose and the heft and all the crazy characters. But if you can do it, more power to you. It's a great book. Very dark, more somber and sorrowful than Nickleby.

I wrote my big senior paper on BH in university. The thing I remember most is all the terrible parents. Dickens is full of terrible, irresponsible parents, but BH is just packed with them.

L-girl said...

It's pretty cool that someone who reads wmtc is also reading a huge Dickens novel at the same time. :)

johngoldfine said...

'I'm out of the habit of reading for myself, as opposed to for school.'

At the end of school--after reading and commenting on student work for hours a day for weeks and weeks--I expect very little from myself in the serious reading line. My ability to focus on anything hard is shattered for weeks.

Sarah O. said...

I thought I was a fun coincidence too.

I was wondering, did you find Matthew Mcfadyen as Arthur Clenham a little... wet blankety? I thought Arthur was much more active a personality in the book.

It does sounds like Bleak House might be too intense for me this summer. I've had trouble finding work which has made me rather bored and homesick and sad - BH probably wouldn't improve my mood. I think I'll add it to my Christmas reading list.

L-girl said...

I was wondering, did you find Matthew Mcfadyen as Arthur Clenham a little... wet blankety? I thought Arthur was much more active a personality in the book.

I didn't watch it enough to know. I only saw snippets of a few episodes.

Sorry to hear you are homesick and blue. Good luck with everything. Avoiding Bleak House might be a good idea. :)