3.06.2010

facebook survey

I'm still working out my own Facebook friend policy. I'm also curious about yours. Facebook users, I have three questions for you.

1. How do you deal with friend requests on Facebook?

a. I confirm all friend requests.

b. If I don't know the person, I try to find out why they are friending me (how they know me, what circles we have in common). Depending on their answer, I might confirm or might ignore.

c. If I don't know the person, I always ignore the request. I only friend people I know.

d. I ignore all friend requests.

e. Some other answer. Which is...?

2. To whom do you send friend requests?

a. I friend anyone I know.

b. The above, plus anyone who my friends know.

c. The above, plus I look at the friend suggestions and may send requests to some of those.

d. I am very selective about who I friend.

e. Some other answer. Please share!

3. Have you ever ignored a friend request from someone you know or used to know?

a. Yes.

b. No.

Thanks for sharing.

25 comments:

James said...

1: (c) -- I only friend people I'm actually friends with.

2: (d) -- I generally don't send friend requests to co-workers, though there are a couple of exceptions.

3: (a) -- Usually former co-workers.

Dharma Seeker said...

1. B - I have some fellow activists as "friends" that I've never met in person.

2. E - I've sent friend requests to a couple of other activists I've never met, but most of my friends are *friends*

3. A - absolutely. Some people just don't need to know what I'm up to in my personal life ie. elementary school friends, guys I have dated depending on whether we parted on good terms or not. If I wouldn't want to talk to someone in real life I won't friend them on Facebook (except people I know from work which I never ever friend). If I used it exclusively as tool for sharing general information (ie.links) I would probably feel differently though.

Joanne Costello aka Polly Jones said...

1. b

2. e - I will send friend requests to those who may have similar political views; someone who I discovered working on an interesting community project or someone with common political online ties...

3. No, but I have removed people that I knew/used to know when they did things that were questionable via Facebook.

Stephanie said...

Great survey!

Responses:

#1 = b
#2 = e, I friend all relatives and some acquaintances on the spot otherwise I wait to be friended by other acquaintances since I feel more confident that the request is genuine if they have contacted me.

#3 = a YES, absolutely!

It's funny, in the beginning I hadn't worked out that I could and probably should decide on a policy on friends. As a result I have at least a few friends for whom I have no fondness...that's awful! Now I just ignore their infrequent posts (I haven't de/un-friended anyone yet).

I have discovered that I can and should be selective I have no interest in amassing a 'quantity' of friends.

L-girl said...

Now that there are a few answers (thanks!), I'll post mine, as it stands now.

1 (b) I actually have a lot of FB friends I've never met because I use FB mainly as an activist tool, to get and share links, events, news, and less as a tool to keep up w/ friends & family (altho I do use it for that, too, but less so).

2 (d) I never friend co-workers.

3 (a) I have ignored friend requests from high school and university acquaintances, former co-workers, and people I barely knew in some former life.

As a result I have at least a few friends for whom I have no fondness...that's awful! Now I just ignore their infrequent posts (I haven't de/un-friended anyone yet).

I have the same thing, from early goings where I ok'd more friend requests than I would now. Some I have hidden, and others I have quietly defriended. I figure WTH, I'm never going to see them again anyway.

I have no interest in amassing a 'quantity' of friends.

Me, too. It's not necessary to be FB friends with everyone you've ever met.

This conversation gives me impetus to ignore a recent request, and to dump a few people I never should have said yes to in the first place!

L-girl said...

I'm especially heartened to hear that several people so far answer A to #3.

A while back I ignored a request from a high school acquaintance. I didn't even like her in those days!

I mentioned this to someone, and she said, "You're not supposed to do that, you just ok the friendship then hide them." Huh?

My niece, on the other hand, said, "They call it friend for a reason. Don't friend her if you don't like her." That sounded more reasonable to me.

James said...

BTW, when I say I only friend people I'm actually friends with, that means "friends online but never met them in person" -- though, in all cases, they're people I'd certainly like to meet in person.

L-girl said...

BTW, when I say I only friend people I'm actually friends with, that means "friends online but never met them in person"

Ah-ha. Our policies are more alike, then. I should have known you would regard online friends as friends.

James said...

And now that I'm re-reading my last post while more awake, it should also say "that includes friends online", not "means" -- I do have some real-life friends, after all.

hhw said...

1. b
2. d
3. maybe, can't remember. would not rule it out.

I do ignore all requests that require some letting some facebook or third-party application access my info.

MSEH said...

Interesting that you ask, since I just deleted over 100 "friends." They were almost all former students, but not the few with whom I have developed a more long-term, personal relationship. After the Gloria Gadsden incident, and the number of folks who seem to NOT have a problem with what ESU did, I decided to clean up my fb account... Anyway -

1. b - E.g., I just received a friend request from someone who received me "as a suggestion" because we're in the same fb group. We exchanged messages and I explained I only have friends with whom I've got some other "real world" connection. She was great about it.

2. d - I wouldn't necessarily say "very selective," but people with whom I actually want to keep in touch, for sure. It doesn't mean we have to have met F2F - e.g., I've not met some of the expat group F2F, but I consider us to "know" each other.

3. I can't remember! Probably A. In a somewhat separate category - since I wasn't rejecting the person directly - when my niece sent me a suggestion to friend her father/my brother, I ignored it.

Interestingly, if she suggested ME to HIM, I never received a direct request from him either! LOL! Facebook is where I can post all kinds of political stuff, rants, etc., with, generally, like minded folk. My brother is a retired Army Ranger, NASCAR fan, working as a civilian in Iraq. Need I say more? He's cool with the GLBT stuff and women in the military, but beyond that... Ha!

Again, a timely post as I re-evaluate my own use of fb. It's been great for connecting with people I never see - some of whom (e.g., other expats) I've never met F2F. But, I'm weaning...

BTW, here's a strategy that I've used. There are some people to whom I wanted to say "hello" (e.g., people I knew in school, K-12). I've sent a message, but not a friend request. We exchanged a few messages - you know, what have you been doing for the past 40 years? - and then signed off, neither asking to friend the other. Works for me.

tornwordo said...

B, A and B. It is difficult for old acquaintances to find me because I don't use my real name. I don't put my real birthday on there either. It seems reckless to do so.

L-girl said...

There are some people to whom I wanted to say "hello" (e.g., people I knew in school, K-12). I've sent a message, but not a friend request. We exchanged a few messages - you know, what have you been doing for the past 40 years? - and then signed off, neither asking to friend the other.

I've been on the receiving end of that several times, exchanged "hello" messages, but the person always sends a friend request, which I then ignore.

I never want to say hi to anyone I knew from school, at any period of my life. I am brutal that way.

I don't use my real name. I don't put my real birthday on there either. It seems reckless to do so.

Interesting. I don't "get" using Facebook without a real name. I don't care about hiding my profile either, as I don't put anything on it that can't be public. I've given it a lot of thought, and I rethink it from time to time, but I still don't change my privacy settings - I keep my whole profile visible.

L-girl said...

However, I don't do any third-party apps, ever.

Amy said...

My answers:

1. (e) I accept friend requests from people I know, but not otherwise. However, for many of these people I place them in a "Limited Profile" category so that they can see nothing but my name and profile photo. I get lots of requests from students, for example; I don't want to reject or ignore them, but this way I also protect my privacy.

2. I only send friend requests to people I really want to be in touch with. I feel funny about sending friend requests ---my general insecurity that perhaps they have no interest in being my friend! I don't want to be seen as a stalker, so I just wait and see if they friend me. I don't need to be FB friends with everyone I know or ever knew.

3. No, I don't think I have. I have "defriended" people afterwards, but have at least initially accepted the friend request, as long as it is someone I actually know or once knew. I also hide lots of people from my Newsfeed.

I actually have enjoyed hearing from people from earlier stages in my life---from kindergarten through college. I find that that is the main reason I am on FB---not to keep up with people I see at work or in town, but to keep up with people I don't see!

L-girl said...

I actually have enjoyed hearing from people from earlier stages in my life---from kindergarten through college. I find that that is the main reason I am on FB

That does seem to be a primary use for it.

I know I'm unusual in not wanting to find out people I used to know. I've always been like this. After high school graduation, I kept one friend from high school. After university, I stayed in touch with one friend (who is still my very dear friend). I have no interest in finding or being found. But I know it's clearly not the norm.

Amy, why am I not surprised that you have never refused a friend request? :)

Lorna said...

1. b. If we have something in common then I might be interested in some of their events or pictures or something.

2. started off as a. but now d.

3. a. and I'm about to start a de-friend exercise. Sometimes the hide from news feed feature is not quite enough.

L-girl said...

I'm about to start a de-friend exercise. Sometimes the hide from news feed feature is not quite enough.

I did a bunch of this from work this weekend and I'm set to do more. Hiding the feed isn't enough, because I'll still be listed as their friend, and friends of theirs want to friend me.

Janice Latisha Betts said...

To answer all your questions in one: I am very selective with the people I have as facebook friends, much more so now than in the beginning. I regularly 'de-friend' in housekeeping sweeps of my account. The basic rule is: If there has been no genuine interaction with a friend who is not a real life friend or fellow activist, they are off my list. As someone else already said, I am not interested in 'collecting' friends.

I am constantly increasing my security settings, most recently by creating a group of certain people who now have no access to my wall. I am still VERY angry with facebook for taking away the ability to block friend requests from friends of friends, which led to a rash of friend requests from people I was happily shielded from before.

Tom said...

1. b. If I cannot figure out how they know me or if we don't at least have a friend in common I can ask I don't accept.


2. Other- I have only sent a few requests to family members.


3.A I have had people who I never connected with during school that asked me to friend them, I can't imagine why they want to do it now. So I ignore them.

For me Facebook is mostly political awareness and sharing my life with family and friends that we cannot see with Emilio unable to reenter the US. I also use it to show people who knew me before I was out what it is like to know an openly gay happy couple. Some of them are Republicans and some of them defriended me because of my politics. I have never de-friended anyone.

L-girl said...

Thanks, Tom. I see you using FB as an awareness raising tool and I love it. Totally love it.

Cornelia said...

I have already de-friended several people because they wrote stuff that was either sexist and patriarchal or otherwise abusive or authoritarian-conservative and into moralizing and bigoted or because they were at least otherwise very unpleasant for me. Most of the people I am connected with are also into common political interests. There are also people I know from real life or I had been in touch with on the net before. I wouldn't friend anybody who I wouldn't want to talk in real life to either, of course. Same is true for people I have had trouble with before.

Cornelia said...

Recently, I have had a very interesting experience. How do I explain, it is rather funny actually, at least in hindsight. I had signed up on the fan page of somebody I don't really know that well personally, a guy I had never had any sort of trouble with personally but whom some people obviously are not very much in favor of, as I gathered. There was a lot of controversial discussion of some issues and some wild stuff on the net. It was absolutely a very weird situation and probably some different and partially interconnected issues got all mixed up together and there seemed to be a lot of hype and confusion and exaggeration and mistakes. I am no insider on the situation but some of the allegations just didn't add up and made no sense at all whatsoever. I decided to email that guy that I basically agree with him on this and that count and that I am basically supportive on this and that but wouldn't it be great to sort this and that issue with bullies and other trouble out this and that way next time (of course, I suggested very non-abusive and very constitutional and constructive options and also wrote some stuff on constitutional law because some stuff his bullies obviously bothered him a great deal with held no water at all under the Constitution and I got that right away! My point was basically something like on the one hand anti-bullying measures and on the other hand how please not to make mistakes of the past again, kind of. From my impression of the whole situation, it seemed he got bullied yes but there were some things he should not be doing again also in times of trouble and so it couldn't hurt to suggest some better ways, I thought. I made sure to write all that in a friendly and absolutely non-abusive way.) All right, after that, I was pretty nervous and wondered if he might be angry with me if I come across him again some time in the future. Guess what happened next?!
O well, he sent me a friend request, which I gladly accepted. Wow! And also from other hints, I understand that he obviously doesn't have a problem with me at all. O boy, I was so glad and relieved. So, nothing wrong with a good dosage of constitutional law and stuff at times, haha...

Cornelia said...

Another experience, this time re: a lady from the US. We personally like each other but there are things we would politically agree on and things we obviously would not. So, we usually keep it non-controversial so that it's more fun for us both but once she wrote something I really was not happy with. I wondered what to do. So, I wrote something that was absolutely non-abusive and not exactly unkind but pretty much ironic. It was clear once more (probably she knew anyway from other stuff I write and do on FB) what my position on the issue was. O boy, I was nervous if she might have issues with it but she obviously did not. So, that was good.

Cornelia said...

Sorry, I wouldn't want to detail both stories (what the issues in question were exactly about) because I just wouldn't be comfortable writing more. Hope that's no problem! It was just part of my thoughts on FB friending and de-friending. Of course, one need not accept or keep folks one would rather keep away from and I would never recommend that either. I just wanted to make the point that sometimes fortunately there's less trouble resulting from things than I first was concerned might be.