2.27.2010

is this blog falling apart? am i falling apart?

I feel like I should apologize to wmtc readers. I've had a marked up-tick in readership lately, for reasons unknown, and I especially feel I should apologize to those folks.

Trust me, new readers. I used to write more. I used to write better. I used to have more interesting observations and things to say and stories I kept track of.

Now I just struggle to keep up.

That's how it feels, anyway.

Before I started graduate school, I already lived with that constant feeling of a rush of information blowing by me, barely keeping up with the news stories and social issues that I care about, not to mention friends' lives and reading for pleasure, and my minimum daily requirement of brainless down-time. You know the feeling. There's too much of everything - too much information, too many options. I always feel like I'm only skimming the surface.

I have my escapes. Baseball, movies, time with friends. Then baseball became another thing to do in front of the computer screen, another time to talk and exchange ideas. Don't get me wrong, I love our Red Sox community and our game threads. But baseball used to be a time to get away from the computer and turn off that part of my brain. No longer. If I'm on the gamethread, I don't get the relaxation and down-time. If I don't thread, I miss my friends. Last season I did some of each. It wasn't much of a solution.

Swimming is another refuge, and now at least I'm back in the pool a couple of times a week. Hiking or walking in the woods is another. Even reading a book or a long article, uninterrupted, and not for school, works. But there's not enough of any of it.

Now school has just exacerbated all of this. Too many events I can't attend, blogs I don't have time to read, organizations I don't have time to join. The constant feeling of not enough time, of not enough depth. Maybe this is why people live on Facebook and Twitter. Life reduced to headlines. For me this news-feed version of life is just not satisfying.

I can't live without this blog, but I'm not doing it justice these days.

I'm not fishing for compliments, either. If you still like wmtc, I'm grateful, if a bit mystified.

31 comments:

Adam S Gregg said...

Where the hell did this come from? I am an American (well, at least my passport says so) student going to university in Canada with the original and continuing intent to stay here permanently, and have been quietly reading your blog for the past year and, unless that's not enough time for proper context, I think you're still doing just fine! I still find your posts interesting, informative, and helpful! I still come every day, even if you're too busy to post! Don't be discouraged; just do your best! This is my first time commenting, but I felt immediately compelled to speak up after reading this. Please don't give up!

Also, I've recommended your blog to a married couple whom I'm friends with who are making the move ... so I hope that may have contributed slightly to your increased readership ... although, I wouldn't want to take too much credit because, after all, I am Canadian (by choice)! ;-)

L-girl said...

Where the hell did this come from?

Uh... hm. Good question.

I guess my overloaded brain. I feel like I'm neglecting wmtc - and many other things that are important to me.

If you've been reading for a year (since before I started school), I think that's enough context.

Also, I've recommended your blog to a married couple whom I'm friends with who are making the move ... so I hope that may have contributed slightly to your increased readership ... although, I wouldn't want to take too much credit because, after all, I am Canadian (by choice)! ;-)

Thanks Adam :)

Thanks for chiming in, and passing the link along. Good luck with school, I hope it's your ticket to stay in Canada.

L-girl said...

Gah, now I'm all embarrassed. Look at the time stamp. Do I ever post at 11:30 p.m.? Never. There's a reason for that.

Seriously friends, don't feel like you have to post a wmtc love-fest.

Amy said...

Silly silly...you expect too much of yourself (not a new thing for you, I bet). I don't see any drop in quality, and I don't have as much time myself these days to read everything you post, so there is plenty of quantity!

And remember---no one is grading you or paying you to do this. You don't need to please anyone but yourself, and you certainly don't need to apologize for anything you do or don't do here. Maybe being in school has put you back into that mindset of being judged and evaluated on your writing and it has bled over into your feelings about writing for wmtc?

If readership is up or even just staying constant, then you must be doing something right!

L-girl said...

Thanks, Amy. It really is about pleasing myself more than anyone else. I don't feel I should be blogging more - I want to blog more. I want to write more!

Hmm, is this a hint of things to come if/when I choose a full-time library career??? Let's not go there!

Interesting observation about school and mindset of being judged. Hmm. I wonder.

rww said...

I know about feeling like you've neglecting your blog (I've been neglecting mine lately) but in no way do you, or anyone, have to apologize for having a life beyond your blog.

BTW your blog is one of my favourites.

impudent strumpet said...

It's March (functionally speaking, since all the weekdays of February have gone). You're in university. Of course you're a mess. You're going to be a mess for a month and then emerge, blinking and befuddled, somehow having completed all your coursework, into a beautiful spring where you'll watch baseball and blog as much as you want.

Hmm, is this a hint of things to come if/when I choose a full-time library career???

Do librarians have homework?

L-girl said...

God you people are nice. Thank you, rww.

You're going to be a mess for a month and then emerge, blinking and befuddled, somehow having completed all your coursework, into a beautiful spring where you'll watch baseball and blog as much as you want.

I am printing this out and taping it to my desk.

L-girl said...

Hmm, is this a hint of things to come if/when I choose a full-time library career???

Do librarians have homework?


Ha! Probably not. I was thinking that now I work part-time and go to school part-time, so that equals one full-time job. But your implication is correct. A full-time job is probably less work than I have going on now.

L-girl said...

Imp Strump, I just posted your comment on FB, minus the parenthetical.

redsock said...

Just a phase. You have had them before. Do you have a specific category for this yet?

Should I write my "it didn't bother me so much in january but now spring training has started and I am still meh about my own blog" post now? I'm not sure what I can blame it on, though.

Amy said...

Allan, perhaps it is just the state of baseball that is affecting you? I have to say my own level of interest has waned somewhat, and I am not sure why. I am assuming it will come back once the season starts. For me, I think it's partly the big turnover on the team...so few players I know or care much about. But I know that you are less sentimental about players than I am.

Got me...my interests and energy for various things always has come and gone and sometimes returned, be it religion, skiing, community activities, etc. It's just the rhythms of life.

But I sure hope you both get your blog mojo going! I enjoy both blogs so much, and they have become a part of my daily life.

L-girl said...

Just a phase. You have had them before. Do you have a specific category for this yet?

Ha ha ha! I should! I should have an "anxiety" category. Back before we moved, there was tons of it - move-related, Buster-related, writing-related...! But no, I won't break it out into a cagtegory, too neurotic. :)

Should I write my "it didn't bother me so much in january but now spring training has started and I am still meh about my own blog" post now?

I've been expecting it any day now.

L-girl said...

Allan, perhaps it is just the state of baseball that is affecting you?

It's the state of Allan. He's like this every winter.

L-girl said...

But I sure hope you both get your blog mojo going! I enjoy both blogs so much, and they have become a part of my daily life.

Thank you Amy. :)

I've said it a dozens of times, but it's always worth repeating: the best result of this blog has been the friends I've made through it. The crossover btn wmtc and JoS is an unexpected bonus!

redsock said...

No, I'm not like this every winter. Or this winter, it is worse.

L-girl said...

Must be worse this winter, because you have been like this every pre-season with the exception of 2005 (for obvious reasons to any RS fan).

redsock said...

After a month of depression from my birthday to Thanksgiving 2003, I was highly excited about the 2004 season.

I wonder if my brain is moving in some direction I can't anticipate, like it did after 2004 (and 2007, for sure), after which I did not get furious about losses (not much, anyway).

redsock said...

Either way, we can save talk of it for JoS.

L-girl said...

After a month of depression from my birthday to Thanksgiving 2003, I was highly excited about the 2004 season.

Yes, but were you excited about blogging? I don't recall.

Let me put it this way: in the off season, you tend to have mixed feelings about blogging. Not necessarily about baseball, but about how you will follow it and what kind of blog or forum you will provide.

L-girl said...

Either way, we can save talk of it for JoS.

Thank you!

Amy said...

LOL! It does seems like a topic more appropriate to JOS. Sorry I took you down that path (though Allan DID start it). :)

Joe Gravellese said...

this blog rocks. we all understand why posts aren't as frequent.

keep it up. :)

johngoldfine said...

Oh, pshaw, l-girl, what nonsense. This is the bloggeroo of blogs, where the elite meet, where the creme de la creme come to chit and to chat. And you are the hostess with the mostest.

johngoldfine said...

I'm not fishing for compliments, either. If you still like wmtc, I'm grateful, if a bit mystified.

I have students who tell me they hated their essay, but (rolling eyes) fine, if you like it, Goldfine, whatev-errrr.... They're saying my taste sucks if I like their work!

Writers can't judge the quality or value of their work til long after they're dead, so at least sleep on it before slagging wmtc!

L-girl said...

Oh shit, this gives me a good laugh.

You guys rock. Amazing.

MSEH said...

I'm there with the love fest!

And, btw, yes, one full-time job is much more pleasant than part-time work plus part-time job. It's definitely a case of 50 + 50 > 100.

Hang in there. We love wmtc! ;-)

M@ said...

*Select johngoldfine's first comment*

*ctrl-c*

*Select comment box*

*ctrl-v*

*Click Publish your comment button*

(Agreement with general sentiment of everyone here, of course, but I liked how John said it best.)

L-girl said...

*moderate comments*

*click m@'s comment*

*click publish*

*thank m@*

James said...

Sorry I didn't comment yesterday, but it ended up being pretty busy...

Just remember, you don't owe us readers anything. The only person you owe anything through this blog is yourself, and that includes maintaining a blog you're pleased with -- and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be pleased with a blog full of filler that's just there to keep the posts-per-week ratio up.

We wmtc readers are perfectly happy to give you time between posts. Better one thing worth reading than ten things not worth skimming.

L-girl said...

Thanks for that perspective, James. Very good.