8.27.2007

elvis, big foot and hillary clinton

As I'm sure you know, the checkout line - that's "cash" in Canada, because Canadians like to use as many monosyllabic words as possible - in your grocery store just got a little duller. The venerable Weekly World News, always good for a chuckle as you wait, is no longer publishing a print edition. (Final issue on sale now!)

When Allan and I were a long-distance relationship, he often sent me his favourite WWN headlines. This was around the time of Talking Heads' True Stories, which we had a thing for. My favourite headline, which adorned my bulletin board for years, was "Head Transplants Now Possible - How Do You Know You're Really You?" (It's a tough question!) I also had a great "photo" of Hillary Clinton and her space-alien lover. You should've seen the tongue on that thing.

In all those years, though, I never thought much about who wrote those terrific stories. Truth be told, I never actually read any of the stories, I just enjoyed the headlines.

Woti-woti has answered the question I forgot to ask. Woti, who is both a friend of wmtc and a citizen of Joy Nation, sent me this story from Salon, written by Stan Sinberg. Sinberg wrote for WWN, and I was not surprised to learn he also writes for MAD magazine.

I really enjoyed it, perhaps you will, too.

13 comments:

M@ said...

that's "cash" in Canada, because Canadians like to use as many monosyllabic words as possible

Okay, here's another thing I didn't realise. I didn't know Canadians tended toward monosyllables like this. I can't think of any other examples offhand but I've never thought of it. (I can think of one counter-example: "trash" is far rarer than "garbage", at least in Ontario.)

Funny that we tend towards monosyllabic terms, and also add letters all over the place to make them longer...

Btw, a guy on CFRB radio in Toronto used to have the editor of WWN on his show almost every week, and they'd play a little game of spot-the-fake using WWN headlines and made-up headlines that weren't printed in the WWN. That editor retired a few years ago but he was really enjoyable to listen to.

L-girl said...

I didn't know Canadians tended toward monosyllables like this. I can't think of any other examples offhand but I've never thought of it.

It took me a while to notice it.

One of the first Canadians I met after I moved is named Barb. I suppose her full name is Barbara, but she goes only by Barb.

Her partner goes by Cath.

They told me I was moving to the burbs. They only say burbs. They never say suburbs.

For air-conditioning, I say "A-C" (ay-cee). Most people here say "air".

What else... there are others. I'll get back to you.

L-girl said...

and they'd play a little game of spot-the-fake using WWN headlines and made-up headlines that weren't printed in the WWN

That's cute.

L-girl said...

Oh, I should note that in the US, you might meet the occasional Barbara who goes by "Barb," but it's rare. Here in Canada, every Barbara I've met is Barb.

And "Cath" is only here. In the US there are Cathys, Kats, Kates, Cats, Katys... but no Caths. AFAIK, a cath is a nursing term for a catheter, not a name.

Woti-woti said...

Job Description: "Thinking of the stupidist shit possible."

Also applies to 'political operatives', Cable News 'anchors and correspondents' and 'White House Press Secretary'. If the public could grasp this ...

Ferdzy said...

Well.

Dunno.

Got a cousin Cath in Pennsylvania.

SoSock said...

I'll miss greatly the headlines in the checkout lane.
For years it has made standing there waiting for the clerk to finally figure out which kind of lettuce that is a little less tedious. Whenever my wife would be obviously getting near the point of going postal, I could diffuse things by saying "Oh, thank god honey - they finally caught that pesky bat-boy - again - in Utah this time"

L-girl said...

Got a cousin Cath in Pennsylvania.

Really?! Is she Canadian...?

L-girl said...

For years it has made standing there waiting for the clerk to finally figure out which kind of lettuce that is a little less tedious.

Definitely its primary function. :)

Welcome to wmtc, sosock. Wish I'd had a better post up for your arrival, but perhaps you'll scroll down.

Ferdzy said...

Heh. I was trying to be super-laconic. No, she's American to the bone. Her name is Cathy, but she does seem to get called Cath on a fairly regular basis. May just be the baneful influence of all the Canadian rellies, though.

L-girl said...

No, she's American to the bone. Her name is Cathy, but she does seem to get called Cath on a fairly regular basis. May just be the baneful influence of all the Canadian rellies, though.

Or maybe I just don't know the right Caths!

I wish I could think of the other one-syllable shortened words. I know I've heard several others, but can't recall them now. I have to hear one and say "a-ha!". :)

mister anchovy said...

The greatest number of bigfoot sightings apparently come from Marquette County Michigan, on the Upper Peninsuly, right at the bottom of Lake Superior. There's a lot of forest there, and I guess if bigfoot needed a little privacy, that would be the place. A friend of mine claims to have seen bigfoot in northern British Columbia, and well maybe she did....but it wasn't reported in World Weekly News. I however, have never been abducted by aliens. How is it that some folks get to not only see UFOs several times but get abducted too, while others of us don't even get a glimpse. Life is unfair.

L-girl said...

is it that some folks get to not only see UFOs several times but get abducted too, while others of us don't even get a glimpse.

And now with WWN gone, no one will know just how unfair it is. It really sucks.