i hate my job

My new job sucks.

I wasn't going to blog about this, in case someone at my workplace is spying on me. (HR definitely Googled me before I was hired.) But I don't even care anymore. I just hate it.

What a disappointment. New Firm is Crap Firm.

There's no one thing. It's a lot of smaller issues, and cumulatively, they form a very unpleasant work environment. Perhaps I didn't investigate the firm thoroughly enough. I was so happy to get an offer with my unconventional hours, I just snapped it up. But most of these issues couldn't have been known in advance.

Intellectually, I know I'm lucky to have a job that pays decently, has good benefits, blah blah blah. But every day I have to go there - every day I have to think about going there - it wears me down.

I've contacted the other firms who made me offers during my job search, and of course those positions have been filled. I've also emailed my HR contact from Dissolving Firm, at her new firm, to let her know I'm available. All these people know I'm good and will call me if anything opens up.

I'm resuming my job search today, and I'm also contacting former editors. On the writing side, freelance work is slow to come in, and even slower to pay. You can't count on it to live on. On the law firm side, weekend shifts don't open up frequently.

Even so, I'm seriously considering quitting without another job lined up. I've never done that before. It's ridiculous. It's not like we can live on one salary. I have some writing income due in, and we have some savings, but that would disappear mighty quickly. I'll need to work stat.

We have increased expenses right now from vet bills, I was hoping to save for a trip next year, and I'm determined to never be in debt again. So what am I doing??

I know I should be responsible and suck it up. It's not the first sucky job I've had. But I was younger then, I had more tolerance for crap. Mostly, I didn't know any better.

Perhaps my strong sense of always landing on my feet has gone to my head. I can land on my feet, but I can't control the job market. I need this job. I need the paycheque. Yet I'm on the verge of quitting. Holy shit.


Anonymous said...

Bummer. Sorry to hear that things aren't working out. Good luck with the new search. I'll be thinking of you!

Hope Tala is doing well!

M@ said...

I completely understand -- I was about three years ago in a job where I was actually losing sleep because I was so wound up about it. I had two nights where I didn't sleep at all because I was angry and going over and over what I was going to say and do the next day. I never had the courage to leave the job without going to something else, though. It's really hard, either way.

And as someone who's facing a potential one-paycheque situation -- SuMei is probably going to be terminated (her job, that is, what a word to use eh?) today -- I completely understand the position you're in. No one wants that kind of situation.

Fingers crossed that something comes along very soon. The good news is that you're obviously a very good candidate, and when something does open up you have a great chance of getting it.

Nikolas said...

Hang in the L-Girl...I know how hard it is to be in a job you're miserable in.


L-girl said...

Thanks you guys. :)

I had two nights where I didn't sleep at all because I was angry and going over and over what I was going to say and do the next day.

This sounds familiar. Allan has been in several situations like that - that kind of prolonged work-related anger that poisons the rest of your life.

Allan and I talked (again) this morning, and we've come up with a strategy - a flow-chart of what actions I'll take, depending on how supervisor/HR addresses my concerns.

They seem pretty inflexible, so I'm prepared to leave, but I'm going to try a few things first.

Plus I'm sending my resume like crazy! :)

L-girl said...

Also, M@, I'm sorry to hear SuMei may soon be unemployed, too. I hope this doesn't mean you're moving to Montreal! :)

M@ said...

:) No, the Montreal thing is dead. However, we have begun to seriously look into moving to Ottawa. There are definite possibilities up there that simply don't exist here.

Best case scenario, SuMei will find something soon and we'll be staying here, but so far things are not looking as positive as they were before on that score.

M@ said...

prolonged work-related anger that poisons the rest of your life.

Exactly. I was sleeping on the couch when I got home, did absolutely nothing around the house... it is not a situation I'm interested in repeating and I'm always on guard for those signs when work gets difficult.

I'm glad you have a strategy for dealing with the situation. Good luck!

L-girl said...

Thanks. Lots of resume-sending, a bottom line - if such-and-such happens, I'm quitting no matter what - which makes me feel less trapped, and lots of venting! :)

Wish SuMei good luck for me. I hope something comes up in Toronto.

David Cho said...


I have left a job before my first month was up. Was kinda forced out, but there were some signs which I ignored. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say.

I hope the job search works out for you. It is painful.

Peregrinato said...

I've been trapped in jobs I can't stand. I remember once I was laid off from a job (it was a very bad fit) and I had to do my best to keep from jumping for joy as I was being laid off. It was actually just a terrible environment, and you don't need to live life in that. You're showing wisdom in choosing to get out.

Woti-woti said...

Sorry to hear about the crappy job--the eternal curse of having to work for a living. I found that if I really liked where I was living, I could put up with all sorts of nonsense at work. Meanwhile, I would quietly discern who were the kindred spirits--you're never alone. The trick is to find your allies while avoiding constant, demoralizing bitch-fests. It also helps if you never lose your sense of humour, have a finely honed perspective of the absurdity of it all (work) AND continue to send out the resumes. It was also amazing how many times I was saved by regime changes. Let the bastards think they're winning while you plot your way out the door.
Good news on Tala, btw.

Miche said...

Sorry to hear that....

I hope things start looking up for your very soon!

L-girl said...

Thanks everyone. Woti, good advice. Actually, I think I have to post on this. More soon.