2.15.2006

reality

Well, I guess we have a doctor. I felt comfortable with her, certainly enough for now. I suppose the real test of any doctor is what they do when something changes, but there's no way to know that in advance. For now, though, this is fine.

I haven't gotten any temp work yet. There's something likely for next week, so I'm trying to enjoy my freedom while I can - swimming, reading, taking Cody to the off-leash park. I am dreading temping, with a fervor out of all logical proportion. I know it will be fine. I do. But I have a completely sick dread of it anyway.

I think the full effects of losing my great writing gig is just hitting home. When I wrote the first manuscript, I was under such enormous pressure - moving preparations, Buster's illness, saying goodbye to friends and family in New York, and still working my weekend job. I sometimes felt on the verge of exploding. (Indeed, I did have at least one full-scale panic attack.)

Even under those difficult conditions, I enjoyed the work. I was so looking forward to writing the next manuscript under greatly improved circumstances - without a day job, working away in our cozy little house near the lake.

But no.

Believe me, I'm well aware that I have little to complain about in the larger sense. My non-writing work is always in demand, so there's little danger of serious financial crisis. And I still have writing work I enjoy, it just doesn't pay enough to live on. My working life will return to what it's usually been - part word processing, part writing. It was just savouring that taste of full-time writing, then having it snatched away, that sucks.

I'm off to enjoy my day. For those interested, a long discussion about censorship and so-called obscenity laws is going on here.

8 comments:

hemlock said...

Isn't it interesting how a slight change in your employment can cause such a shift in the rest of your life??

It's hardly the same as what you're going through, but a few years ago I got sucked into a brutal depression as a result of my employment ending. It's not that I was depressed about my job ending, but that I had time to focus on things I really didn't like about my life at that time.

It's tough.

Wrye said...

That "sick dread" is what we northerners call February. It'll be over soon. :)

L-girl said...

Isn't it interesting how a slight change in your employment can cause such a shift in the rest of your life??

It is. Work takes up a huge chunk of our lives. When work sucks, it's hard to be happy. (In general. That's not me right now.)

That "sick dread" is what we northerners call February. It'll be over soon. :)

:D

I could use some sunshine, for sure. I feel that way in NYC in Feb, too. Enough with gray skies already.

doggerelblogger said...

Hey L-girl, on an unrelated note, you partially inspired my post for today - please stop by for a visit if you get the chance.

David Cho said...

I wish you the best. I hear that it's difficult for non-Candian citizens to get jobs. Is that true?

Echo Mouse said...

I am very glad you found a doctor :) I'm also very happy that you found some temp work :)

Things can only go up from here ;)

amanda said...

Good luck. Bright side? Maybe you'll meet some new buddies in your new town. Some of my best friends in the world are people I've met at work.

L-girl said...

Thanks everybody. I haven't actually gotten the temp work yet... but I'm sure I will, at some point.

As for bright sides, the bright side is that I'll be able to pay my bills and live my life. I'm long past the point where I need work to meet new people, especially work out of my field. But it's true that I've met excellent friends through work ove the years, so you never know.

I hear that it's difficult for non-Candian citizens to get jobs. Is that true?

No one asks about citizenship. We're legal to work in Canada - that's what the whole long immigration process was about. Perhaps what you heard about is people who are not here legally? I don't know.

Canada is so full of immigrants, and needs to be because of its declining population, I can't imagine why citizenship would be an issue.