11.16.2005

thank you

Allan and I both thank you all so much for your heartfelt comments. The outpouring of support - understanding, sympathy, kindness - from this community has been tremendous, and we are deeply appreciative.

Last night we spent the evening alternating between sobbing, reminiscing, laughing over stupid things, and stroking and loving B. We drank wine, and stayed up late.

J, our former dogsitter from New York, one of Buster's best friends, called. We all talked for a long time. She loves him very much and was full of support for our decision, and praise for our efforts all these years. It was good to talk to her. (DK, I know you're there, too. You are in our thoughts.)

Allan and I are both sick with grief. I'm very aware that I am doing this earlier than many people might. (Not that that matters.) But my gut, my heart, my bottom line, says: don't let him go through surgery, especially surgery that has a less-than-50% chance. The little voice, the guiding light, whatever you want to call it, is saying that it's too much for him. Buster would do it, he would tough it out if he had to, he would do whatever we asked of him - so let's not ask him to suffer. He's been through so much. Let him be happy, free of struggle.

This morning we're all going for a walk together, then giving B a big fat rawhide - his favorite, which he hasn't been able to eat since he got sick in the spring - before we go over to the vet's.

I'm going to take a short break from blogging, then I'll be return to my usual routine. I actually have a political question to ask, but I don't want to mix it in with the Buster posts.

Again, thank you. It's amazing what a difference you've made.

13 comments:

Lone Primate said...

It's wrenching, even at a distance, what you're going through. My eyes are full of tears and I know I can't be alone in that, thinking of what you're suffering. But I think it's the truest hallmark of our kind that we are capable of looking beyond our own wants and needs to the greater good of another. Your compassion for Buster trumps your own need for Buster. That's beautiful. That kind of transcendence is our only hope in a dangerous age like this. You and Allan have demonstrated what's best in all of us and I really do believe that if Buster could have understood it all, he would have been grateful. I haven't had to face the choice you have yet, but I hope that if I am one day confronted with it, your example will give me the courage to set aside my own needs in the name of mercy. Bless you both.

RobfromAlberta said...

A bit late, but let me add my condolences. It's always heart-wrenching to lose loved ones, be they two-legged or four.

Kyahgirl said...

Shedding tears for you all. Bless his little heart.

It's going to hurt for a while yet.
Come back when you're ready.

hugs,
L

Urban Chick said...

oh, L-girl, i'm so sorry to hear about your precious buster

i wasn't home when our beloved childhood dog was put down - my dad couldn't even go into the vet's he was so upset, my mom and sister took her in

((hugs))
UC x

p.s. i may need to be asking you some unrelated questions too but will check back once you've had a much-needed break from blogging

Franc said...

My sincere condolences to you and your husband. My wife and I have a 10-year-old Yorkie and we are dreading the day we'll have to part ways...Our thoughts are with you.

mireille said...

My heart is with you. I'm so sorry. xoxo

Cin said...

I'm so sorry. Nothing else to say except that I sit in front of my computer and cry for you and Allan and your dear sweet Buster, and the pain at having to part.

I've lit a candle for you, and hope that the strong and loving vibes from all your on-line friends reaches you. Come back when you're ready.

surly girl said...

i really feel for you. i had a rottweiler a few years ago who was the most fabulous dog i'd ever met. we lost him when he was 2 - he had wonky knees and if we'd kept him (as we were desperate to do) he would have deteriorated and suffered. so we had to decide to let him go. it absolutely broke my heart. there were other circumstances that made things that bit more difficult, and it was a terrible time. however, we took some small comfort from bringing him home and laying him to rest in the garden he loved, with his favourite toys. it still makes me cry today to tell it, but i have to remember that we made our choice out of our love for him..take your time to grieve and know that while it'll always hurt, you have your memories which will, in time, make you smile....

Akins said...

As an animal lover I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you.

Vera said...

Buster had so much ... I always tell my little guy that he's the most-loved doggie in the world, and (although I'd never admit it to him) Buster rivals him on that front. He had a fabulous doggie companion who, as I like to think of it, played Ed McMahon to his Johnny. She was happy to sit back and let Buster's needs come first. I didn't know him for very long but I saw so much strength and promise in him. You both gave him so much, and he gave it back to you every time those beautiful eyes looked into yours. I'm so sad for you today. I know how much this hurts. You saved that boy's life in so many ways.and I just know he loved you more than you'll ever know. Thank you for rescuing him in every meaning of the word. If only we had more time with them! I wasn't his friend for very long but as I saw him come out of his shell more and more, I felt the leap of faith he made each time and how difficult that must have been for him. I'll never forget him. Thank you for allowing me to know him.

L-girl said...

After Vera posted her lovely comment, I received this email from David K. David was one of Buster's dogwalkers, and a great friend to both our dogs (and us).

David writes:

"Dear Laura, Allan and Cody,

Words cannot begin to express how I feel about Buster's passing. I am truly heartbroken. I was honored and privileged to be counted in his circle of friends. His trust and affection were hard-won and worth all the effort. It's a shame so many people who knew of Buster never really KNEW him the way those of us close to him did. They coudn't conceive the amount
of love he was capable of lavishing on those he bonded
with.

I think you know I always thought of Buster as one of my favorite clients. I've spent the last couple of days recalling our time together, singing and whistling to keep him calm as we walked. His
unexpected, hilarious reaction the first time I ever administered his eye medication. His innate sweetness.

Just know that all of you are in my thoughts as you mourn the loss of Buster. We will all miss him
forever.

With deepest empathy,

David K

PS. Your photos of Buster's last night at home were very moving, but it was Alan's face that put a lump in my throat and made my eyes fill with tears... "

Oh, Buster's hilarious reaction the eye drops? He had an erection!

Marnie said...

Oh Laura, and Allan, and Cody. I'm so sad to get back home and read this terrible news. You always spoke so lovingly of your dogs -- it was easy to see they had the best care from people who really went to great lengths whenever necessary.

What I found hardest about having my dear old cat put to sleep recently was not being 100% sure about the decision. People always say, "Oh, you'll know when it's time," but I didn't know. I made the best decision I could, and I think it was the right one, but how could I ever know for sure?

All you can do is gather the medical facts and add them to your feelings about quality vs. quantity of life. What matters is that the people who loved Buster put everything they had into making his life as good as possible, right to the end. What a blessing you were to him, to give him such a great life!

I'll be thinking of all three of you as you get used to the new reality. Take care.

Meegan said...

I am so sorry about your sweet Buster. You made the right decision -- the humane one. I know from experience how painful it is.