Allan and I both thank you all so much for your heartfelt comments. The outpouring of support - understanding, sympathy, kindness - from this community has been tremendous, and we are deeply appreciative.
Last night we spent the evening alternating between sobbing, reminiscing, laughing over stupid things, and stroking and loving B. We drank wine, and stayed up late.
J, our former dogsitter from New York, one of Buster's best friends, called. We all talked for a long time. She loves him very much and was full of support for our decision, and praise for our efforts all these years. It was good to talk to her. (DK, I know you're there, too. You are in our thoughts.)
Allan and I are both sick with grief. I'm very aware that I am doing this earlier than many people might. (Not that that matters.) But my gut, my heart, my bottom line, says: don't let him go through surgery, especially surgery that has a less-than-50% chance. The little voice, the guiding light, whatever you want to call it, is saying that it's too much for him. Buster would do it, he would tough it out if he had to, he would do whatever we asked of him - so let's not ask him to suffer. He's been through so much. Let him be happy, free of struggle.
This morning we're all going for a walk together, then giving B a big fat rawhide - his favorite, which he hasn't been able to eat since he got sick in the spring - before we go over to the vet's.
I'm going to take a short break from blogging, then I'll be return to my usual routine. I actually have a political question to ask, but I don't want to mix it in with the Buster posts.
Again, thank you. It's amazing what a difference you've made.