Well, Allan isn't, anyway.
Finally, we've received one of our "certificates of no record" from the FBI. It's actually the fingerprints that we sent them, with the words "NO ARREST RECORD" and the date stamped on the back.
A loyal reader in Colorado (hi Nick!) said his took ten weeks to come back; we're in week nine, so that was right on the money.
Assuming my fingerprint card is not far behind, we are poised to take that next big step.